Under the Moonlight
by chrmisha
Summary: After the war, Remus Lupin is left with the tattered remains of his life. He struggles to find himself worthy of accepting love. I do not own Harry Potter or make any money from these stories.
1. Chapter 1

Under The Moonlight  
By Chrmisha  
  
Summary: This story takes place after Lord Voldemort is conquered. Remus Lupin is left with the tattered remains of his life. Although the world is a better place for wizards, his world is lonelier. He struggles to find himself worthy of accepting love and living his life in the wake of the numerous losses he has suffered.  
  
A/N: Many thanks to Zsenya for her wonderful job of beta-reading this piece.  
  
Under The Moonlight: Chapter 1  
  
It was a gray and cloudy afternoon as he sat by himself at a corner table in the Leaky Cauldron. He had spent most of the day in Diagon Alley tying up some loose ends and had stopped for a bite to eat before heading home. Rain had started to fall, and in its wake, wizards of all shapes and sizes were scurrying inside. He went back to the Daily Prophet, but there was nothing of interest to him in it. It had been two months since the fall of Voldemort. The Order had suffered heavy casualties. Had the final battle not taken place on a full moon, he might have been one of them. He had received an Order of Merlin First Class for his work; Dumbledore had seen to that. But the Order had since disbanded, Harry had been released from St. Mungo's, his trio of friends now reduced to two, and life as the wizarding world knew it was returning to normal. For him, though, he couldn't have felt more alone. Many of his friends had been killed and no one had been left untouched. Sirius was gone, Tonks was gone, Kingsley was gone; the list went on and on. Mad-Eye Moody was still around, but he was so paranoid that no one sought his company. The Weasleys, as well as many other wizarding family, had lost family members. The world was a better place for wizarding folk, but it was a much lonelier place for him now.  
  
"Excuse me? May I join you?"  
  
A striking woman with dark brown hair stood looking down at him. He glanced around and noticed there were a few open tables scattered throughout the bar.  
  
"Um... I really don't think I'd be good company at the moment," he said with just a hint of regret.  
  
"Well, I certainly know how that feels." She pulled out the chair across from him and sat down.  
  
He blinked, taken aback by her brazenness.  
  
"Anything interesting in there?" she asked pointing to the Daily Prophet.  
  
"No, nothing new." He pushed the newspaper towards her. "I'm finished with it." He watched as she ruffled through the pages, noticing that she stopped to study a photo of the new Headmistress of Hogwarts. It was another reminder that he didn't need; a reminder of just how small and lonely his world had become.  
  
He stared out the window and sipped his Butterbeer. Two more days.  
  
She was thirteen again, attending Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She hadn't noticed him before––how could she not? His gray eyes glowed behind a seemingly apprehensive, but honest smile. He was slightly taller than her with a thin build. And, of course, he was a year older than her. She was dying to talk to him, but he was always with his friends. Why didn't he notice her? She perched herself near their little group by the lake in the afternoons, pretending to study while listening in on snatches of their conversation, hoping to learn more about him. Perhaps if she could find something they had in common, she'd be able to find something to talk to him about...  
  
A warm hand came to rest upon his shoulder.  
  
"Are you okay?" The warmth of her voice beckoned him, concern etched in her eyes.  
  
"I'm fine." He shifted uncomfortably in his chair, the grip around his bottle tightening.  
  
"It's just, you look so... tired."  
  
He was tired, tired of life, tired of fighting, tired of being alive. He shrugged and took another swig of his drink, trying to figure out how he could make a graceful exit then suddenly realizing he didn't much care about being graceful.  
  
She extended her hand, a warm smile on her face. "I'm Raiyna Blotts, by the way."  
  
Remus looked at her with a wary expression on his face, his hands never leaving the bottle in his grasp. This woman couldn't seem to take a hint.  
  
She dropped her hand, but persisted undeterred. "You're Remus Lupin, aren't you?"  
  
He was a bit surprised that she knew his name, and then remembered that his picture had appeared in the Daily Prophet earlier that week for receiving the Order of Merlin. "Ahhh... Well I'm no hero, if that's what your thinking."  
  
"Hero?" she looked confused. "We went to school together, I think. I was a year behind you, I was in Ravenclaw. I–" She looked as if she were going to say something else, but changed her mind.  
  
"Oh. I thought–– well, never mind."  
  
"So what brings you here today?"  
  
Her desperate attempts at making conversation made him groan inwardly. "Just running some errands," he said noncommittally, looking again towards the door.  
  
"I see. So, what have you been doing since school?"  
  
Remus wondered why in Merlin's name she had chosen to sit with him of all people. He certainly was not good company and her conversation was both unwarranted and strained. "Oh, odds and ends. I taught at Hogwarts for a year. And, of course, up until two months ago, I was working for the Order."  
  
"I was very sorry to hear that the Order took some pretty heavy losses." Her voice rang with sincerity.  
  
"Yeah, me too," he said before gritting his teeth at the unwelcome sympathy she'd extended towards him. He had said decidedly more than he'd ever intended to this stranger. She seemed to have an odd way of getting him to talk when no one else could. Granted, there weren't a whole lot of people left who were interested in trying.  
  
"Well, I work at one of the shops in Diagon Alley and I'm looking for some help. Do you know anyone who needs a job?"  
  
Remus eyed her carefully. Why was she asking him?  
  
As if she picked up on his thoughts she continued, "It's hard to find good help these days. I've been posting signs for the last month, but haven't gotten any takers. It never hurts to spread the word around, you know?"  
  
Remus nodded absently.  
  
"You wouldn't happen to be looking for a job now that the Order is, well, no longer needed I guess, would you?"  
  
Remus laughed humorlessly as she looked a mixture of desperate and hopeful. "No. I've got a funny schedule. I'm sure it wouldn't work out." He finished his Butterbeer one deep swallow. "It's been nice talking to you, but I have to be on my way."  
  
"Perhaps we'll meet again sometime."  
  
"Sure," he said, leaving abruptly. He couldn't help but think of the strange people he ran into whenever he stopped at the Leaky Cauldron. He also couldn't help but notice the odd tone of her voice with that last statement; it was if she was hoping she would run into him again. He shook his head. He was tired and restless, just two more days.  
  
An owl came to his house a couple of weeks later. He couldn't fathom who would be calling for him.  
  
Dear Mr. Lupin,  
  
I have, so far, been unsuccessful in finding a suitable candidate for the  
job opening I have. I was wondering if you would be so kind as to meet me  
for dinner next Friday evening. I have spoken to a friend of mine at  
Hogwarts and she thinks you'd be perfect for the job. The work schedule  
is quite flexible. If you find that are not interested, perhaps after  
hearing me out, you could refer me to another suitable candidate.  
  
I do look forward to meeting you again. I'll await your owl.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Raiyna Blotts  
  
He read the letter twice. After his last chance meeting with her, he couldn't imagine why she'd want to see him again. He was intrigued, however, by whom she'd spoken with at Hogwarts and why they thought he would be perfect for the job. Although he'd received the letter on Monday, he didn't respond until late Thursday. He'd gone back and forth in his mind as to whether or not he felt up to having dinner with a friend, much less a complete stranger.  
  
The return owl came early Friday morning.  
  
Remus,  
  
I have reservations at the Winging Park Inn in London for 7pm tonight.  
  
See you then,  
  
Raiyna  
  
Remus had no idea what or where the Winging Park Inn was. Much to his dismay, it turned out to be an upscale restaurant in a hidden wizarding section on the outskirts of London. Although he had selected his best set of robes, they were still tattered on the edges and looked very worn. Raiyna, on the other hand, was wearing crushed velvet burgundy robes and looked absolutely radiant. They were seated immediately, and one look at the menu told him he was in the wrong place. He couldn't afford to dine here alone, much less with a guest.  
  
As if she'd read his mind, she said, "Oh, it's one of the great things about owning a business, you know. I have the luxury of taking people out to dinner on the shop. So, order whatever you like! I hear the dragon stew with beef medallion is wonderful, although I must admit, I haven't had the courage to try it yet." Her ready smile had an uncanny way of making him feel at ease. He still didn't like the atmosphere; much too rich for his tastes. He'd have much preferred something just slightly above the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
"I think I'll try the duck basted in meddleberry wine with a hint of sage myself."  
  
He checked the menu; the dragon stew was the most expensive item, with the basted duck falling in step right behind it. He had the feeling she was ordering on the high end so that he didn't pick the cheapest thing on the menu. He settled for a mid-priced item.  
  
Remus was relieved to find that Raiyna had a gift for speaking since he tended to be a bit quiet to begin with and in the past weeks, mourning the loss of his friends, he'd become even more reserved. He didn't feel all that hungry, but when dinner arrived, the aroma of high quality cooking was unmistakable.  
  
"Would you like to try some of mine?" she offered. "It's absolutely incredible."  
  
Without waiting for him to answer, she used her wand to transfer a bit of duck to his plate. Covering his surprise, he followed suit.  
  
"Wonderful," she muttered, her mouth still full of food.  
  
He had to admit, the food was very good, better than anything he'd had in ages.  
  
"This is one of my favorite restaurants," she added after swallowing her last bite of food. "A bit pricey though, I don't think I'd eat out here as much if I couldn't write it off against the business. But it does have great food, don't you think?"  
  
He couldn't help notice her deep brown eyes. He'd always been attracted to a person's eyes––windows to their soul. She seemed open, honest, sincere. As much as he tried to find an ulterior motive, he could not. She seemed genuinely interested in getting to know more about him, although he'd hardly told her anything worthwhile. Yet there was an uneasy feeling settling in his stomach that he couldn't quite put his finger on.  
  
"How about we take a walk?" Her voice broke through his thoughts.  
  
He looked at her inquisitively. What was it about women? Why couldn't they just get to the point?  
  
"Well, it just seems a bit stuffy in here, and it's always good to take a brisk walk after a meal."  
  
Reluctantly, he agreed. As he'd never been to this area of London before, she pointed out many interesting things along the way. Finally, they settled on a bench overlooking a stream.  
  
"You know," Remus observed, "you haven't yet mentioned a thing about this job you have in mind for me."  
  
She looked over at him. "Yes, of course, but pleasure before business, don't you think?"  
  
He noticed the way her soft brown hair swirled easily over her shoulders, how the shadows bouncing off her high cheekbones made her face look even younger. She was very pretty in the dim light of the lamps along the waterfront. "Perhaps, but I don't even know what business you work at in Diagon Alley."  
  
"Oh, you don't? I'm sorry, I assumed it was obvious," she blushed, laughing at herself. "Flourish and Blotts, the bookstore."  
  
She quickly switched from casual conversation to all business in a fashion that even Remus found impressive. The parts of the job she explained in detail sounded rather mundane; the other parts seemed more intriguing, but she was quite vague about them. When Remus questioned her further, she would only say things like, "Ahh, trade secrets, I can't tell you more unless you come to work for me," which was always followed by a wink and a smile.  
  
"Here," she said enthusiastically, "let me show you the schedule." She pulled out a long scroll that had boxes for each day of the year. She tapped it with her wand and some of the boxes turned yellow. About two consecutive weeks out of every month were highlighted, but the dates shifted slightly depending on the month. What struck him as most odd was that the weeks highlighted were always centered around a new moon. There were no highlighted sections at all one week on either side of a full moon.  
  
"This is quite an odd schedule," he said, looking at her suspiciously.  
  
She merely gazed back at him and said, "Yes, well, my brother did keep strange hours come to think of it. Anyway, Emily, as you can see there," she said, pointing to the name in the squares, "worked opposite my brother, and since you'd be replacing him, those are the time slots I am looking to fill."  
  
Not looking at her, he uttered, "Why does your brother need replacing?"  
  
His voice had come out harsher than he intended. He watched as she bit her lip and looked off into the distance glassy-eyed.  
  
"Are you all right?" he asked, feeling oddly concerned over her sudden change of mood.  
  
"Oh, yes, sorry," she replied, looking slightly embarrassed while blinking rapidly. "My brother died about six weeks ago. I still haven't gotten over it," she glanced at him for a moment. "I'm sure you understand," her eyes searched his imploringly. For recognition of the pain and sorrow that losing someone brings, he assumed. He nodding, understanding her feelings perfectly well.  
  
He wanted to know more about her brother, but now was not the time to ask. He looked again at the schedule. In all reality, he was desperate for work. The Order had paid him a stipend to live off of, but it wasn't much. And, considering his situation, he had a great deal of difficulty finding work.  
  
"I know it's not as exciting as teaching, but I really hope you'll consider it."  
  
When he made no move to accept or deny the position, she added, "Perhaps– perhaps you could just try it, for a couple of months, or until I can find someone else– if you don't like the job, that is."  
  
He looked into those begging brown eyes and found her hard to refuse. Reluctantly, he agreed. She looked as if she were about to hug him, but refrained herself at the last minute.  
  
As he left London that evening, he couldn't help feeling a sense of foreboding. This had all come on too quickly, and out of nowhere. It made him rather uncomfortable. He didn't like when he felt like things were out of his control. On the other hand, he laughed at himself; when was that last time he was wined and dined? When was the last time he spent a mostly pleasant evening with a beautiful woman? She was so unlike other women he'd met; she was outgoing, brazen, not afraid to state her opinions. She was unique. Something about her made him feel like he could trust her, but a part of him found her a bit dangerous, a bit too.... He shook his head; he couldn't put his finger on it.  
  
As he drifted off to sleep, he dreamed of a woman with dark brown curly hair. She was sitting across from a dinner companion, laughing. But it wasn't a jovial laugh, it was high pitched, more like cackling. As she shifted, he saw Severus Snape sitting opposite her. Severus was sneering at Lupin and saying something in his cold, contemptuous voice. The woman pointed maliciously at Lupin, still laughing wickedly, "So that's him, is it?"  
  
He snapped awake. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never asked her whom she had spoken with at Hogwarts. Supposedly, someone thought he'd be perfect for the job. It must have been a professor, and no professor there would reveal his secret. No one, except Snape. A wave of dread passed over him. What if Snape was playing a cruel joke on him? What if this job was in some way meant to make him suffer? He shook his head. This line of thinking was ludicrous. He drifted back to sleep with an uneasy feeling settling heavily on his chest.  
  
An owl arrived the next morning with a large package and a note.  
  
Remus,  
  
Thank you for accompanying me to dinner. I had a thoroughly pleasant  
evening. I am very excited that you have decided to join our team.  
  
Your start date will be two weeks from this Monday. Please return the  
enclosed forms at your earliest convenience.  
  
Raiyna  
  
Remus opened the brown paper package and found two new black robes with the Flourish and Blotts logo embroidered on them. He couldn't remember the last time he had new robes.  
  
He sat down at the table to fill out the forms. The last time he'd filled out an official application was when he taught at Hogwarts. He suddenly realized that things had changed––drastically––thanks to the Dangerous Creatures Act that that evil Umbridge woman had put through. He tore up the application form and shook his head, furious at the injustice of it all. Carefully, he wrapped back up the robes, wrote a short note that he would need to respectfully decline her generous offer, and sent them back.  
  
Two days later, the owl was back on his windowsill carrying a very similar package and another note.  
  
Remus,  
  
My owl must have gotten lost, he returned yesterday with the robes I had  
sent for you. I apologize for the delay. I have taken the liberty of  
filling out part of your forms for you. I look very forward to seeing you  
two weeks from today.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Raiyna  
  
He set the package aside and looked at the forms. His name had been filled in at the top. About half way down the page, he saw her handwriting again. He looked at it with a mix of shock and horror. The section labeled "Dangerous Creatures," which had a statement below detailing the new statutes of the Ministry of Magic, was crossed out and instead she had written in "Medical Conditions." In the box attached, she had written, "Werewolf, Registry #158". In the "Restrictions" section, she had noted the following, "Requires one week off prior to and one week off following the full moon for rest and recuperation." Below that was a section with a disclaimer stating, "If the above listed restrictions are strictly followed, this individual is" followed by a SAFE/UNSAFE checkbox and associated statements such as "to be around other people, to be around children, to be around other animals, etc." Next to all of those statements, she had checked the SAFE box.  
  
He placed the application on the table, his hands still shaking. How long had she known? Why hadn't she told him? He felt anger rising inside of him as if he'd been tricked. But the more rational side of him said, she's just trying to help. That didn't feel much better though, he didn't need her pity. He left the room, ignoring the wrapped parcel. Five more days, he thought to himself.  
  
He didn't respond to the application, but he hadn't sent back the parcel either. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for. It was Thursday night, the moon was waxing. He was getting restless and edgy. Waiting was the hardest part. He just wanted it to be over with. One more day.  
  
Friday night at dusk, he prowled the house. His skin felt like it was crawling. He hated the intense feeling of unease, apprehension, and anxiety that preceded his transformations. He had taken the Wolfsbane Potion and was pacing his living room. He'd put an Imperturbable Charm on the house so no one could hear the wolf. He locked and charmed the doors so that he couldn't get out, should the urge come over him. As his skin started to prickle more intensely, he took off his robes. Soon, it would all be over and he would be human again for another month. Soon, but not soon enough.  
  
Saturday dawned and he was exhausted. The pain in his limbs kept him from sleeping. He knew he should eat, but he couldn't bring himself to get off the couch. He was feeling sick and shaky. He dozed on and off throughout the day. As evening dawned, he heard a knock at the door. He hesitated, he wasn't expecting anyone. He couldn't imagine who it could be. Grudgingly, he dragged his body off the couch, pulled on his robes, and stumbled to the door. He unlocked it, and, taking a deep breath, leaned heavily against the wall as he opened the door.  
  
She stood in the bright light of the waning moon.  
  
A wave of anger came over him before he knew what hit him. "What are you doing here!" he demanded "This is not a good time!"  
  
"I know exactly what time it is," she said steadily, a mixture of fear and determination resonating in her voice.  
  
His legs weakened and he was overcome by exhaustion.  
  
"Come now, you need to lie down." She put her arm around him and helped him to the couch.  
  
He lay there and tried to steady his breath and stem the tide of nausea sweeping over him. Even with the Wolfsbane Potion, transformations were not getting any easier with age. He watched wearily as she took off her cloak and opened the brown sack she was carrying. He was too weak and too sick to argue with her.  
  
She pulled out a small cauldron full of brown liquid and with a swish of her wand, it was bubbling softly. She propped him up slightly on pillows and, with a spoon full of the bubbling stew, she said encouragingly, "Here, try some, it will make you feel better."  
  
He looked over at her, his eyes half open. She was kneeling next to him.  
  
"Go on, you'll feel better, I promise."  
  
For all he knew, she was poisoning him. Suddenly that didn't sound so bad. He obliged. It didn't taste half bad, actually, and after several more spoonfuls, he felt his body regaining some of its strength. She helped him to sit up and then sat on the couch next to him, pouring him a glass of yellow colored liquid.  
  
"Here, this will help too."  
  
He swallowed as much of the juice as he dared and leaned back, laying his head against the wall. Gradually, he felt the exhaustion beginning to lift.  
  
"I'm sorry to come so unexpectedly," she said. "But, well, I didn't hear back from you. I thought you might be upset. I was hoping after you saw the schedule that first night you'd just accept my offer." Averting her eyes, she said with such honesty he thought he sensed regret, "I'd forgotten about the forms." He followed her gaze to the threadbare rug on the floor which was still littered with gray fur.  
  
"How long have you known?" he asked, his voice hoarse, as he sipped some more of the bright yellow liquid.  
  
"Since I first saw you in the Leaky Cauldron, but I didn't realize it at the time."  
  
He practically choked on his drink at her surprising admission.  
  
"Something about you reminded me of my brother. It wasn't until I got home that night that it dawned on me," she said, offering him a weak smile.  
  
"Your brother?" he inquired.  
  
"Ben, yes, of course. He was a werewolf too. That's how I knew. You reminded me so much of him; that tired look in your eyes, the edginess, the lack of trust for your fellow man." She sighed, looking away briefly before continuing. "I looked you up on the registry the next morning. You know, not many people would want to work that strange of a schedule. They want more regular hours. Ben was a big help, I was desperate to replace him––with the right person of course. And then I saw you. I knew your admirable work with the Order had finished. I'd read about all you'd done in the Daily Prophet. And Professor McGonagall, well you must know she thinks very highly of you. It seemed like the perfect fit. And there's more to the job then I've told you, as I'm sure you've guessed."  
  
Remus looked at her with curiosity but didn't comment.  
  
"I just thought, well, maybe it was presumptuous of me, but I thought you'd feel more comfortable if you thought I didn't know, if you were the one to tell me. I know about the stupid prejudices people have, they just don't understand. My brother was a wonderful man, and he suffered because of other peoples' ignorance."  
  
Remus saw the fear of his reprisal in her eyes as she waited for him to respond. Indeed, he was feeling bitter about being led astray, as if he was too naïve to see she had ulterior motives. Feeling emboldened by this, he watched her intently as he said, "Tell me about your brother." He sensed her reluctance but he was not willing to relent.  
  
She bit her lower lip, dread spreading across her face. She closed her eyes momentarily and swallowed. "Well, I guess I'll start from the beginning. Ben was six years older than I. After his last year at Hogwarts, we went on a family trip to Brazil. My parents were back at the camp, and Ben and I had ventured off into the rain forest in the late afternoon. My aunt has a knack for making potions and home remedies and we were off searching for unique plants for her. We were pretty deep in the forest when the sun started to set. We headed back for camp, but in the waning sunlight, we got lost. The moon was very bright, though, and as we were nearing the clearing, we heard a strange noise––like a dog growling. I had no idea what it was. Ben saw it first, its golden eyes glowing eerily at us. The next thing I knew, it was lunging at me," she sighed, "but Ben knew what it was, and he sacrificed himself instead. He dove at it just in time, and knocked it to the ground. He screamed for me to run for help. I didn't want to leave him, but I didn't know what else to do." She paused, shaking her head, remembering. "He got tore up pretty badly. Of course, they patched him up at the wizarding hospital down there, but, as I'm sure you know, the worst was yet to come." She gazed at a shabby tapestry hanging across the room and noticed the claw marks and the pulled out threads. Tears filled her eyes.  
  
"The next several years were very difficult. We had to learn as a family how to help Ben, how to protect him and protect ourselves. Wolfsbane Potion was just coming out then, and my aunt got a hold of it as soon as it was available. She was the most appalled at how Ben was treated by outsiders. The rest of us were all so busy trying to figure out how to live our lives that we hadn't had much time to notice. Although my brother had always wanted to be a healer, after my aunt in a fashion, his condition made that unattainable, so he started working at the family bookstore. The staff noticed his strange work schedule, but my father and uncle just said he had another job elsewhere. When my father and uncle finally passed away, I took over the management of the business while my brother, and another woman, Emily, who you'll meet, ran the front end. It worked quite well for several years."  
  
Remus nodded, listening intently.  
  
"Then, about two years ago, my brother started getting restless. Physically, he was feeling better than he'd ever felt––with my aunt's remedies and all. But emotionally, and spiritually, he was feeling rather stuck, I guess. I think deep down he really wanted a family of his own––a wife and kids––but he would never let himself get close to anyone. It broke my heart. Anyway, the last couple of months he seemed to be really down. When I'd ask him about it, he'd say he was tired, or that the transformations were really taxing on his body. I'd told him to talk to Aunt Ameranda about it, and he promised me he would, but I don't think he ever did." She barely paused to catch her breath. The worst was yet to come and she wanted to get through it as quickly as possible. She sighed heavily and continued.  
  
"I usually made Ben a good dinner the afternoon before a full moon so that he was well nourished for his transformation. But it was end of the month inventory and he told me not to worry about it. I sent food to him by owl instead," she shook her head, trembling. "He never ate it. The next morning I went early to check on him, but––"  
  
Remus watched as the tears in her eyes threatened to spill onto her cheeks. She seemed a million miles away, as if reliving what she was telling him. Remus moved closer to her on the couch and rubbed her shoulder softly.  
  
"But he'd already gone," she stifled a sob, and continued, clearing her throat, her voice creaking. "Everyone thought it was so tragic: his body finally gave out, it just couldn't take it anymore. But I really don't think that was it. Not that it's easy on a body, mind you I know, but I think his spirit is what gave out. I think he mixed something in with the Wolfsbane Potion so that he wouldn't have to wake up again."  
  
Can't say as I haven't thought about doing that myself a time or two, Remus thought to himself.  
  
Tears started to trickle down her face. Almost as an afterthought, she added, "I found a note he'd left for me in his writing desk. It was dated two years prior, but I'm not really sure if it was that old, or if he'd just put that date on it so I wouldn't know he'd had a hand in his own death."  
  
Remus pulled her into his arms. All the anger he'd felt toward her had long since drained away. She sobbed softly into his chest. He held her firmly as her body shook against his. He felt bad for asking her, as if he was intruding in some private place he didn't belong.  
  
When she finally straightened up, she said, "So, that was Ben. Great man, he was. I miss him," she sniffed, wiping her tears away. She refilled his glass with yellow liquid. "Drink some more, it's good for you."  
  
After a long pause, Remus asked, "What is it anyway?"  
  
"My aunt makes it, it's called Lemon-AID, get it? Nevermind, it's a Muggle joke. It's an energizing drink. The brown stew, that's called Rejuvenate. It took her many years to perfect the recipe, but now she sells it as the Morning After Rejuvenation Stew. It helps the recovery process after transformation."  
  
She said this all so matter-of-factly that Remus had to laugh. "You do know your werewolves, don't you?"  
  
"I have one more thing for you," she said, a little more timidly. "These drops are chocolate flavored. They help balance out your energy and moods throughout the month. My brother swore by them."  
  
Remus could Raiyna struggle to hold back her emotions.  
  
"My aunt always gives the first month free so her customers can try them and see what they think." Her eyes darted around nervously. He could see the worry on her face. He laughed to himself. She'd practically burst into his home uninvited, took care of him, told him her life story, and now she was worried she'd gone too far?  
  
Just then, their eyes met. He felt something warm rising inside of him. He hadn't realized how close she was. He could smell her soft, feminine scent and felt his heart beat a little faster. The mutual gazed lingered awkwardly for a moment longer before she glanced away.  
  
"Have you tried on the robes yet?" she said, shifting backwards to put some distance between them.  
  
"Ah, no, I–– I haven't unwrapped them yet."  
  
"Well, I think they will fit okay. They were my brothers. I had them freshly laundered of course before I sent them to you. I thought you could use them while you decided if you liked the job."  
  
He noticed that whenever she mentioned her brother, something dark flickered behind her eyes as she receded into what he could only imagine was a well of loneliness. He knew the feeling.  
  
"Listen, you need to get some sleep. Is there anything I can do for you before I go?"  
  
Remus studied her closely, intrigued by what he saw. "You've been very kind, thank you. I can't think of anything else."  
  
"Alright, get some rest then?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"And I will see you at work then the Monday after next?"  
  
He noticed that she was holding her breath. "I'll be there."  
  
"Great! Well, I'll see you soon then."  
  
Remus started to get up, but she put a hand on his shoulder, "Don't be silly. I can see myself out. Take care of yourself, Remus. Good night."  
  
Her heart was pounding as she ran down the stairs. She was late for class, again. If she hurried, she could make it before the professor finished role call. But she missed the last stair and lunged forward, landing on her hands and knees as her books and parchment scattered across the floor. "Ouch!" she cried, rubbing her painfully throbbing wrist. She shook her head at her own stupidity; the only good thing was that everyone else was in class so no one saw her fall.  
  
"Here, let me help you." The warm voice came out of nowhere.  
  
She whipped her head around and saw him hurrying towards her. Her breath caught in her chest––oh no, not him, not now. I look so stupid! But he took her gently by the arm and helped her to her feet. She couldn't help but notice those eyes; those gray eyes made him look so mysterious, so alluring. She'd never been this close to him before, never felt the warmth of his smile spread over her. She was smiling back like an idiot; she couldn't help herself. It was as if she was caught in a trance.  
  
"I'm Remus, Remus Lupin. It's nice to meet you." He offered her his hand, but when she didn't take it, he said, "Oh, of course," withdrawing his hand as he looked down at the way she was holding her wrist. "And you are?"  
  
"Oh, sorry! I'm Raiyna Blotts." Blotts, what an awful name. Hi, I'm a big, fat ink blot.  
  
But he just smiled and nodded. "It's nice to meet you Raiyna."  
  
Ooh, his voice made her feel weak in the knees. 


	2. Chapter 2

Under The Moonlight: Chapter 2  
  
The next two weeks buzzed by. He was very curious about the part of the job that she hadn't told him about. Although he loved books and could spend all day in a bookstore sifting through them, he was hoping she had something more interesting in mind than stocking shelves and directing customers to different areas of the store.  
  
As he opened the package containing the robes that morning, he'd found she'd also included a box of chocolates. A small smile spread across his face. He put on one of the black robes which fit him surprisingly well. He caught the morning paper in the Leaky Cauldron; not much news today either. As he stepped out into the morning sun, he found it ironic that he had accepted a job at Flourish and Blotts. He'd always found the place clean and well lit, but the help seemed a bit stuffy, at least when he was back in school. Perhaps he'd see them differently as an adult. He walked in the back door as she had instructed and found the staff already gathered. She casually introduced him to everyone and set about giving people their tasks for the morning. After sending them on their way, she hung back with Remus.  
  
"I'm so glad you could join us. I do hope you like it here. The staff are really nice and helpful, don't hesitate to ask them if you have any questions." She continued on telling him about lunch breaks and where the restrooms were, but he was more focused on her eyes––deep brown, honest, open. "Do you have any questions?"  
  
"Ahh–" he said awkwardly, drawn back to the moment. "No, no, not yet. Please continue," he cleared his throat. Had she caught him staring at her?  
  
His assignment for the day was to stack shelves with incoming book (she had given him a couple of books for practically each section of the bookstore––so he could learn his way around he was sure), get familiar with their cataloging system, and have at least one conversation with all of the staff members.  
  
"Does that include you?" he kidded.  
  
"Indeed," she had said, "Be in my office at noon for lunch."  
  
He laughed at her forwardness, not sure if she was serious or not.  
  
The staff members were indeed easy to talk to and were helpful in showing him where all of the books went. By noon, he had done as she had asked and stopped by her office.  
  
"Ready for lunch?" Her ready smile caught him off guard.  
  
"I didn't think you were serious."  
  
"Of course I was serious."  
  
Her smile was infectious and he found himself returning it. He liked to see her brown eyes light up with laughter, her warm smile coaxing out one of his own. It suddenly dawned on him that the world didn't seem like such a lonely place with someone like Raiyna in it.  
  
The following Monday morning, she cornered him after the staff meeting. "So how do you feel about your first week at Flourish and Blotts?"  
  
"Couldn't be better," he said nonchalantly.  
  
She glanced at him skeptically, "You're not bored out of your mind yet?"  
  
"Well, truth be known, I do feel a bit underutilized."  
  
"Well, I'm glad to hear it."  
  
The laughter in her voice brought a bemused expression to his face.  
  
"Meet me at noon in my office, there's something I want to show you."  
  
The mysterious ring to her voice left him with a sense of anticipation. After sorting and shelving books, magazines, and newspapers all morning, he was glad to see noon roll around.  
  
She led him from her office to a stack of boring, old books about Muggle lifestyles. Arthur Weasley would have loved this section, he thought sadly to himself. But instead of stopping there, she led him behind the shelves. He had now thoroughly learned every nook and cranny of the store, or so he thought. There was a narrow passageway that led, quite unexpectedly, to a curtained off area.  
  
"With me so far?" she called back.  
  
There was only room enough to transverse this alley single file. "Still here."  
  
She pulled back the curtain and led him into a quite spacious room with comfy-looking, overstuffed chairs, small round tables, and bookshelves and posters lining the walls.  
  
"Welcome to The Library," she said, sweeping her arm around the room in a dramatic gesture that spoke of pride.  
  
To his surprise, everything in the room was about werewolves. Books lined the walls: The History of Werewolves, Myths About Werewolves, The Wizarding Community and Its Prejudice Against Werewolves, How to Cope with Lycanthropy, Lycanthropy in the Wizard World, Where the Ministry Went Wrong: Anti-Werewolf Legislation and Registration, Werewolves Past and Present. Posters hung like banners from the ceiling; posters on the signs and symptoms of transformation, the phases of the moon, helpful herbs and home remedies. He couldn't believe his eyes.  
  
Raiyna pulled a small silver book with a picture of the full moon on the cover from one of the shelves. "My aunt wrote this shortly after Ben got bit." She flipped through the pages so he could see the pictures: a full transformation from boy to wolf and back. "It's a bit out of date now, but we are working on updating it." She placed the book back on the shelf. "Over here," she pointed to a shelf full of small boxes, trinkets, glass bottles, and food mixes, "is Aunt Ameranda's collection of items she's developed." She pointed out the Lemon-AID mix and the Morning After Rejuvenation Stew. "Along with the old standbys like the Wolfsbane Potion and Lunar-Ease tea of course."  
  
Remus scanned the shelves amazed. "I had no idea all of this stuff existed."  
  
"Well, we keep it pretty hush-hush. There's just not a lot of support out there for the werewolf community and my aunt used to catch a lot of flack for helping people with this medical condition."  
  
It was one of the few times that he had heard lycanthropy referred to as a medical condition. He was more used to things like "dangerous creature," "monster," "half-breed," or other more derogatory terms.  
  
"Emily, who you haven't met yet, works this room around the full moon. Ben, of course, had your schedule."  
  
Remus caught the tentative, questioning look on her face but he was too stunned by what he saw to respond.  
  
"Please, have a seat. I've brought lunch so we can talk."  
  
He sat in one of the overstuffed chairs and picked up a sandwich from the platter.  
  
"Florean Fortescue's finest," Raiyna added.  
  
"I thought they only sold ice cream."  
  
"Oh, they've branched out, but I couldn't pass up the ice cream drinks to go with our sandwiches," she smiled. "One is strawberry, one is chocolate. Take your pick. I like them both."  
  
He reached for the chocolate one; it tasted as good as he remembered from his school days.  
  
"So, what I really wanted to hire you for was this. You see, word travels fast, and people come here from all over the wizarding world to check out our supplies. We have owl-order as well. Aunt Ameranda isn't making a fortune on any of this, she sells it just above cost, but it's her life's calling she says," she paused, chewing a bit of sandwich. "And she's more committed now than ever since Ben's passed on. She reckons she might have been able to save him with a spirit-lifting potion or something if she'd had more time."  
  
Remus watched her intently. The more he got to know her, the more amazed and intrigued he was by her.  
  
"Anyway, that's neither here nor there. The real reason I brought you in is this. Plenty of bite victims don't have anywhere to go. The information they get from the Ministry is very negative and hopeless."  
  
"Downright harmful if you ask me," Remus said, a touch of anger in his voice.  
  
She nodded in agreement. "As I'm sure you are aware," she said gravely, "the suicide rate among werewolves is outpaced only by Azkaban inmates. However, in the last five years or so, Barney Mingstrom has been covertly working from within the Ministry to direct anyone requesting information on lycanthropy to "The Community"––a network of witches and wizards who are tied in with better, more up-to-date information. In the end, many of those bite victims end up here, looking for hope, understanding, support, and most of all, solace. Many of them are children whose parents are frightened. Some are adults who grew up with the negative images so prevalent in the wizarding world. All of them are in need of good, accurate information."  
  
Remus looked on in awe at how much things had changed since he had been bitten so long ago.  
  
"My hope is," she continued, now looking at him both intently and with anticipation, "that you will be willing to work with these people and see them through this difficult time. You have all the resources here at your fingertips, and any others you can find I'd be more than happy to stock. If you are up to the challenge, I'd like you to spend this week learning everything you can about what's in this room––reading the books, studying the potions, learning which concoctions are used for what, reading owl mail order so you get a feel for our clientele. Emily, the woman who works this room during the full moon, is very nice. You'll like her, she's the motherly type. She'll be in on Monday and Tuesday to show you the ropes. I haven't told her anything about you; I leave that to your discretion."  
  
After a short while, Remus found his voice. "Raiyna, this is incredible! I wish there had been resources like this when I was a child––it would have made things so much easier..." He looked into her eager brown eyes, and said with determination, "I would be honored to carry on the tradition." Raiyna's smile was radiant. If he didn't know better, he'd have thought she'd lit up her eyes with her wand.  
  
"Oh, I forgot to mention. Take any of the potions or food and try it, free of charge. I want you to be knowledgeable about our products so you can describe their effects to our customers, tell them what works best for you, things like that."  
  
The second week passed much quicker than the first as he immersed himself in all of the literature and concoctions filling the shelves. I definitely have to meet this Aunt Ameranda woman, he thought to himself.  
  
At the end of the day on Friday she swept into what she affectionately called "The Library." Remus was intently studying a potion that was supposed to relieve muscle aches after transformation. "Are you free tonight?" she asked. "There's someone I'd like you to meet."  
  
Remus was a bit apprehensive about dinner that evening. He wasn't keen on spending time with people he didn't know. To make matters worse, Raiyna wouldn't tell him who they were meeting. A surprise and you'll be pleased were the only hints she would give him.  
  
They wound their way up the cobblestone path of a tiny cottage. Raiyna knocked gently on the door, and let herself in. A small witch with white curly hair came bounding out of the kitchen, "Wonderful, dears, you're here! I was so excited when you owled to let me know you were coming for dinner. You must be Mr. Lupin. I'm Ameranda. It is a pleasure to meet you!" Remus extended his hand to the woman who was practically bouncing up and down when she shook it. "Please, please, come in! Sit down! Have some tea!"  
  
Remus watched the woman buzz around the kitchen, singing merrily and charming the china to fill themselves with tea. She must have been at least seventy years old, but she acted like an energetic teenager.  
  
Raiyna leaned over and whispered in his ear, "Isn't she great?"  
  
He nodded, a smile involuntarily crossing his face as he watched her.  
  
"I think she's developed some secret energizing potion for herself, but she'd never admit it."  
  
They both laughed.  
  
After spending the evening with Raiyna's energetic aunt, Remus had an idea where Raiyna got her vivaciousness from. As they left the cottage together, he was still laughing at Ameranda's antics. If he didn't know better, he'd have sworn she was trying to play matchmaker between the two of them. He had the urge to put his arm around Raiyna as they walked, but he resisted. As they turned to go their separate ways, there eyes met for a moment as they bid each other farewell.  
  
Her and Remus, together, alone. Her heart was racing.  
  
"I think we better get you to the hospital wing. That wrist looks sprained if not broken."  
  
His words were warm and comforting and he was talking to her of all people. She was still gazing speechlessly into his eyes.  
  
Just then Peeves appeared out of nowhere, "Skipping class, skipping class, I'm going to tell."  
  
"Peeves, we are NOT skipping class. Why don't you go tell Madam Pomfrey we're on our way to see her."  
  
"Ooohh... somebody's hurt. That's always jolly good fun!"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes as Peeves zoomed off, and not in the direction of the hospital wing either.  
  
She watched in awe as he picked up her books and parchment, packed them back into her bag, and swung it over his shoulder.  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be in class?" she finally asked.  
  
"Yes and no. I was on my way to see Madam Pomfrey as well."  
  
She noticed for the first time just how tired and ill he looked. "For what?" she asked.  
  
"Oh, just to pick something up."  
  
He put his hand on her back to motion her toward the hospital wing. His touch, although brief, sent shivers up and down her spine. The weakness in her knees returned.  
  
When Remus arrived for work on Monday, he was surprised to find a plump, older woman dressed in hot pink robes in the werewolf section. "Can I help you?" he asked as he walked in.  
  
"Oh! Goodness gracious you startled me, child!" She looked at him for a moment and then stuck out her hand. "You must be Mr. Lupin, it's very nice to meet you. I'm Emily Eaton. I was just tidying up. Have you had a chance to look through our collection?" she smiled proudly.  
  
"Indeed, it's excellent," he said with sincerity.  
  
"Thank you!" Her eyes beamed as if he'd given her a direct complement, "I do think so myself."  
  
Raiyna was right, she was quite motherly. She fussed over the cuff of Remus's robes which had turned upward; he would never have noticed. She insisted he try some of the mulberry muffins she'd made, after all, a skinny boy like him needed to eat more! She blushed easily and never stopped talking, not because she liked to hear herself talk, but because she was so friendly and bubbly she couldn't stand to see another person looking uncomfortable. After listening to her most of the morning, he decided she was perfect for this job. She could put anyone's mind at easy, even a horror-struck mother bringing in a child who'd just been bitten.  
  
They had lunch together and Remus asked casually, "So, how is it that you came to work here?" For the first time, he saw a glint of sadness in her eyes. He suddenly realized what an intrusive question he'd just asked. "Mrs. Eaton, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking––"  
  
Emily regained her composure with record speed, "Oh, dear child, don't be sorry! I just thought Raiyna would have told you. But I should have known better, she is very respectful of people's privacy. And please, call me Emily."  
  
Remus watched as Emily sat back and closed her eyes a minute as if remembering. When she leaned forward again, she looked eager to tell her story. "Well, my son and his son, my grandson, were hiking in the woods near dusk. Little Billy, my grandson, was at that age where he liked to play hide and seek in the woods. He'd run just slightly off the trail and Bill, my son, would chase him. Billy ran behind some trees to hide when Bill heard him scream. He ran after him, and found Billy crouched down holding his bloody arm and crying. 'I tried to pet the doggy.' 'What doggy?' 'That doggy,' he said, pointing to a wolf that had slunk up behind Bill and had started growling. Bill grabbed Billy and tried to run, but the wolf lunged at him and sank his teeth into Bill's shoulder. Luckily, they were able to get out of the forest after that."  
  
"They outran the wolf?" Remus asked in disbelief.  
  
"No, it turns out the wolf had taken ill. If he hadn't been, I dare say my son and grandson probably wouldn't be here today. Sadly, they found the wolf, then man, dead the next morning. They think he was attacked by another animal due to his weakened state."  
  
Sadly? he thought to himself. She was sad that the werewolf had died?  
  
"It was a frightful state of affairs. The information they got from the Ministry was terrifying and very discouraging. His wife stayed for awhile, but I think she just couldn't stand to see them in such pain. It is very painful, transformation that is, and I think it drove her slightly mad to see what her husband and son went through each month. I think she was scared too. At any rate, she left. So now it's just the two of them."  
  
Remus watched her intently. He sat perfectly still, his hands clasped in his lap, trying to maintain his composure, trying not to give anything away. He was paying particular attention to his breathing, willing it to stay even and calm.  
  
"You know," she remarked, looking thoughtful, "It's a good thing it happened to both of them."  
  
A good thing? Is this woman insane? Remus was relieved that she hadn't seemed to notice the appalled look that crossed his face at this comment.  
  
"It is remarkable, actually. They have each other. Each month they transform together, their own little pack of sorts. They play and frolic together. And like the rest of the month, father still protects son. In the early morning hours before sunrise, they curl up together and sleep, awaiting their transformation back."  
  
That he understood. He remembered running wild with Padfoot, Prongs, and Wormtail. He remembered bounding through the Forbidden Forest, playing under the full moon, Prongs and Padfoot keeping him in order, keeping him safe. There had been no greater feeling of companionship and acceptance than having his friends with him when he was a wolf.  
  
"How do you know all of this?" he asked cautiously. "Surely you can't be with them when they transform."  
  
"Oh, no, but Bill charmed a crystal ball to record one of their transformations. They wanted to see it for themselves. They wanted to see what happened to their bodies and how they acted as wolves. Especially little Billy. You know, boys his age are so curious, so full of wonder. Afterwards, they showed me some of the parts of them together as wolves. It was incredible to see them like that, so close, so bonded."  
  
Emily went on to tell him how it had become her goal in life to educate people about werewolves and to disseminate positive, enlightened information to the werewolf community in hopes of making the world a better place for people like her son and grandson.  
  
Remus sat back amazed. This was the first time he'd ever heard anyone speak about his kind in such a generous and loving way. She found their condition intriguing and remarkable, not monstrous and horrifying. She accepted her son and grandson for who and what they were, and remained a part of their lives, every party of their lives, including the wolf parts. 


	3. Chapter 3

Under The Moonlight: Chapter 3  
  
There were still three days to go before the full moon. Spring was fast approaching and Remus was working in his garden. Ameranda had given him a list of plants to grow for making herbal teas. She promised it would help him feel even better during the new moon phase of the month. As he sat on the stone wall surrounding his garden intently studying a seed packet for Moonflowers, a sweet, familiar scent filled his nose. His senses were always heightened before the full moon. He looked up in time to see her walking towards him. A familiar warmth always seemed to spread through him whenever she was near.  
  
"Hi Remus."  
  
"Well, hello, I wasn't expecting you," he said, slightly surprised but happy to see her nonetheless.  
  
"I was going to send these by owl," she said, handing him a package, "but I needed to get out, so I thought I'd deliver them in person."  
  
He opened the velvet sack to see an assortment of items that Ameranda had put together for him.  
  
"We thought you might want to try some of these with this transformation."  
  
Remus pulled them out of the bag one by one, studying each in turn. "Very interesting," he muttered. "I think I'll try these two."  
  
"Remus."  
  
He looked into her now uncomfortable eyes. "What is it Raiyna?"  
  
She was fidgeting with her robes and avoiding his eyes. "Would you mind if I checked in on you after the full moon? Not that you aren't perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, of course. But, I'd just feel better knowing you were all right if you are going to try some of these new things."  
  
"Are you telling me these might not be safe?" He raised his eyebrows in a mocking way.  
  
"No, of course not. I'm sure they are fine. My aunt has been doing this for years."  
  
He looked at her curiously. Why couldn't women just say what was on their mind?  
  
"Suit yourself," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't recall you asking last time." She recoiled slightly, but he shot her a mischievous glance and she laughed.  
  
"Ooh," she said, looking at the Moonflower package. "Have you grown these before?"  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"They are absolutely beautiful! They open to their fullest with the new moon, and sleep through the full moon. They make a wonderful tea as well, especially with a little mint and catnip."  
  
"Well you'll have to make it for me sometime."  
  
"I'd be delighted," she smiled. She hesitated a minute as if lost in thought.  
  
When she didn't say anything Remus asked, "Would you like to join me for lunch?"  
  
He made sandwiches and tea and they sat together in the garden, enjoying their lunch and wriggling their toes in the warming earth below.  
  
"It's very peaceful here, you've done a nice job with the place."  
  
"Well, I haven't had much money to fix up the inside, but I like to spend as much time out here as I can––weather and moon permitting, of course."  
  
She caught his eye again. He forgot about the sandwich growing cold in his hand. For a moment they were locked in the same space and time, connected in a way he hadn't been with a woman in a very long time.  
  
This was her only chance. She had to ask him. They were almost to the hospital wing. If she didn't do it now, she never would. "Remus, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She noticed that he was trying very hard to match her uneven stride. "Well, I was just thinking–– I mean, I was just wondering–– well–– if–– if you were planning on going to the–– ah–– Yule Ball–– with anyone, of course." Her face was burning. She felt him staring at her but she didn't dare look up.  
  
"Uhhh..." he stammered.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry, it was silly of me to ask, I'm sure you've already got a date." She was so embarrassed she wanted to run away. She hung her head even lower and started walking faster. She couldn't believe what a fool she'd made of herself.  
  
Suddenly she felt a warm hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Raiyna, wait."  
  
She stopped, her face red and hot.  
  
He stepped in front of her and lifted her chin to look into her eyes. "Raiyna, I can't go to the Yule Ball."  
  
She looked away quickly, tears of embarrassment filling her eyes.  
  
"But if I could go, I'd have been more than happy to go with you."  
  
She stared at him in awe. He, Remus Lupin, would go the Yule Ball with her, Dotty Blotty, if he could. She wished he could. He was still smiling at her. She felt light all of a sudden, like she might just float away. His eyes were so alluring, and for the first time, she noticed his lips. Soft, pink. What would it be like to...  
  
"Dear child, what happened to your wrist?" Madam Pomfrey's voice bellowed. "Remus, you'll find what your looking for in my office, help yourself."  
  
Remus handed Raiyna her schoolbag and walked in the direction Madam Pomfrey had pointed. Raiyna looked after him helplessly as Madam Pomfrey led her away.  
  
"Well," she said abruptly, "I'd best be getting back. They'll be wondering where I disappeared to." She brushed his shoulder with her hand as she left the garden, "I'll see you soon."  
  
He smiled and leaned back against the rock wall, letting the sun warm his face. For once in his life, he was actually looking forward to this transformation, because he'd see Raiyna shortly thereafter.  
  
He wasn't feeling particularly well on the eve of the full moon so he decided to forgo trying anything new just yet, other than the chocolate drops which he'd been taking every day since she'd visited him after his last transformation. He felt the pull of the moon as strong as ever, and instead of focusing on the prickling sensation in his skin and the painful tearing and stretching in his muscles and joints, he tried to focus on Raiyna. As the wolf emerged, he lost all conscious thought.  
  
In the morning he felt groggy and stiff. His limbs felt as though they'd been twisted into positions they didn't belong. It occurred to him that the morning after a transformation felt quite like getting the tar beat out of you the night before. To make matters worse, he was sure he was spiking a fever. He felt cold and shaky. Although he'd managed to pull his robes on for warmth, he was too tired to get off the couch and make the Morning After Stew. By the time the afternoon sun was shining through his window, he'd completely forgotten that Raiyna was even coming. He was alone again––the man and the wolf. He was running in the forest, his legs pushing him faster, his paws dancing agilely over the ground as he went. Suddenly he stopped. Something wasn't right. Trees were cracking and crashing to the ground all around him. The earth was shaking, he was shaking.  
  
"Remus, REMUS, wake up!"  
  
The haze lifted slowly as he looked groggily into frightened brown eyes. Raiyna was kneeling in front of him, one hand on his shoulder, the other hand resting on his forehead.  
  
"Remus, what did you take?!?"  
  
He didn't know what she was talking about.  
  
"What did you take, Remus, please, it's important that you remember. Did you take the Wolf-eez?"  
  
Oh, that, he remembered. "No, I– I didn't take anything. I wasn't feeling very well––like maybe I was coming down with the flu or something. So I didn't take anything."  
  
"Well that was smart. Even so, you're burning up. We need to get your temperature down." She conjured up a small basin of cool water and a stack of towels, sponging his face and forehead. "Have you eaten?"  
  
He shook his head. His eyes were burning and the world was spinning again.  
  
"I will fetch you some stew, can yoouuuuuu doooooly laaa looouuuliii..."  
  
Her voice sounded desperate but he could no longer understand what she was saying.  
  
He was in the forest again, the trees were crashing down, pinning him to the forest floor. He couldn't get out from under them. He thrashed around, trying to fight them off. "NO!" he shouted, his eyes were open and wild.  
  
"Remus, please, wake up. It's okay. No one is going to hurt you."  
  
When he finally awoke, he realized that his fists were clenched around her robes. She looked frightened. Had he been shaking her, fighting her?  
  
She must have seen the stricken realization of his actions cross his face because she put her hands over his then and held them there, "It's okay Remus, you didn't hurt me."  
  
He looked away, knowing that he very easily could have. His breath was coming in short, shallow bursts as he struggled to remain conscious.  
  
She sponged his face with a cool cloth. "What were you dreaming about?"  
  
He just shook his head, too weary to speak and not quite sure he remembered anyways.  
  
"You need to eat, Remus," she coaxed gently as she scooped bubbling stew into his mouth.  
  
He was so tired he just wanted to sleep. He tried waving her away, but she was persistent. "You know, I think I'll be fine if you just let me sleep it off, really."  
  
"You do, do you," she said, her voice betraying that she didn't put much faith in his proclamation.  
  
"Do you mind if I use your fireplace?"  
  
He shook his head. Through half open eyes, he could see her leaning into the flames, talking to someone.  
  
"Do you have any Mertlap syrup?"  
  
He considered this. If he did, he wasn't sure where it was. He shook his head.  
  
"What about onion juice?"  
  
He nodded. "In the kitchen."  
  
She promptly got up and came back with a pink colored drink. "Aunt Ameranda says this should help bring down your temperature."  
  
Although it tasted bitter, he drank it graciously, squinting only when he was finished.  
  
"Sorry, no time to improve the flavor," she smiled weakly.  
  
She took the glass from him and just looked at him, waiting he supposed. He closed his eyes again and felt her hand gently stroking his hair.  
  
He was in forest. It was clam and quiet. The earth had stopped shaking and the trees stood tall and strong again. And he wasn't alone anymore. A feeling of serene contentedness washed over him as he curled up under the moonlight, Padfoot and Prongs lying on either side of him.  
  
He didn't wake again until morning. He was in his bed. He remembered only vague bits and pieces of the night before. Raiyna had come, hadn't see? Or was that just a dream? He slowly opened his eyes and looked around the room. On the bedside table he saw a large glass of Lemon-AID and a cauldron full of bubbling stew. And there was a note.  
  
Remus,  
  
I hope you are feeling better when you awake. Your fever broke around  
4am. I had a meeting first thing this morning. I will be back to check on  
you as soon as I can.  
  
Raiyna  
  
Remus lay back on his bed, his hands clasped behind his head. A smile stole across his lips before he could stop it. The sun was filtering through his bedroom window.  
  
When Raiyna returned, he was sitting at the kitchen table with a pot of tea brewing on the stove.  
  
"Good morning."  
  
He took in the relief that washed over her face at the sight of him.  
  
"Thank you for last night. Honestly, I don't remember much of it. I– er– hope I didn't do anything too embarrassing," he said, with a bit more sincerity in his voice than he had intended.  
  
"Well, you'll just never know, will you?" She flashed him that brilliant smile, the one that always sent an odd tingling sensation through his body. That warm feeling was brewing in his stomach. Perhaps it was just the tea.  
  
As he looked at her in the morning light he wondered if she had any idea how beautiful she was. He decided she mustn't have a clue. "Are you free for dinner this Saturday? I'll make you my specialty."  
  
"Hmmm.... And what exactly is your specialty?" she said, raising her eyebrows in a way that made her look like she was thinking naughty thoughts.  
  
He smiled, "Well, you'll have to wait and see, won't you?"  
  
Now that he was finally receiving a regular paycheck, he was able to afford more than the menial staples he was barely getting by on. After thinking carefully about what he would prepare for dinner, he bought some budget gourmet foods and managed to find some raspberry swirl cheesecake in a Muggle bakery for dessert, which, he had found out quite by accident, was her favorite. He also stopped by Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions and picked up a midnight blue robe that fit him perfectly on the Only Worn Once rack.  
  
This was, after all, just a friendly dinner, he kept reminding himself as he conjured up a table with floating candles in the garden and arranged a fresh bouquet of Moonflowers he'd just picked from his garden. He was nervous and his stomach seemed to be doing something strange of its own accord. I'm losing my mind, he thought.  
  
Raiyna arrived wearing emerald green robes that made her appear even more beautiful to him than usual. She sauntered over to him, carrying a strangely shaped bottle.  
  
"It's Muggle-wine, it's surprisingly good!" She conjured up two crystal goblets as he led her away from the kitchen and back to the gardens.  
  
"Oh! This is beautiful!" her voice echoed in the warm evening air. As their eyes met, his heart skipped a beat.  
  
"The food smells wonderful!"  
  
"I cooked it myself, I mean, without magic."  
  
She looked at him admiringly. If he wasn't mistaken, she seemed to be trying not to laugh.  
  
"You'd be surprised how much work that is! I don't know how they do it."  
  
She laughed, nodding, "Yeah, I tried it once and your right, too much work!"  
  
For the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt at peace with the world. When he was with Raiyna, nothing else seemed to matter. The stars revolved around her. Her beautiful eyes and her radiant smile were all that seemed to matter. He found himself smiling more, laughing at her playfulness, and just generally relaxing around her. He shook his head at the oddity of it all.  
  
He pulled out her chair for her before sitting down beside her.  
  
"It is a lovely evening, isn't it?" she said, staring off into the stars.  
  
She complimented him on the food all throughout dinner. He tried the wine and was pleasantly surprised.  
  
"I have something for you."  
  
"You do?" she looked at him curiously.  
  
He brought out the cheesecake,  
  
"Oh you found some!" the look in her eyes and the smile on her face caused a wave of warmth to sweep over him, even though a cool breezed had started blowing through the gardens. "How did you know?!?"  
  
He smiled warmly again, "Hmmm... wouldn't you like to know?"  
  
After dinner, they lay on their backs in the grass and watched the stars. As the breeze grew colder, she snuggled closer to him. Instinctively, he put his arm around her. He couldn't remember a time when he felt so contended, so serene.  
  
"Can I ask you a question?" she inquired.  
  
"Of course."  
  
"The other night, when you were with fever, you said something strange to me."  
  
"Oh, did I now?" he said, trying to sound casual but feeling a bit of fear steal over him.  
  
"You said, 'Are you sure you're not an Animagus?'"  
  
A bittersweet smile spread across his lips as he closed his eyes, his body sinking farther into the ground.  
  
She propped herself up on her elbow to see his face more clearly.  
  
"Well, are you?" he asked, trying to lighten the mood.  
  
"No, did you think I was?"  
  
"I must have been reminiscing about my past. He looked into her brown eyes again and felt the compassion they exuded lighten his load. He looked back at the stars before continuing. "It's a long story, but I made some very close friends at Hogwarts. They couldn't understand why I disappeared once a month. They were pretty smart, though, and it didn't take them long to figure it out," a laugh crept up on him that he wasn't expecting. "Anyway, they knew they couldn't be with me as humans when I transformed, so they learned to be Animagi so that they could accompany me on my journey and keep me safe."  
  
She seemed riveted by his words. "So, what happened to them?"  
  
He looked at her briefly, then took his eyes from hers and stared at the sky again. It seemed so long ago now that the tears didn't even come to his eyes. "Oh– well– they were all killed."  
  
He saw the shock of comprehension spread across her face, but before she could tell him how sorry she was, he'd placed his hand gently on the back of her neck and pulled her towards him. When her lips touched his, he felt a jolt of energy surge through his body as if someone had stunned him momentarily and then enervated him again. He pulled away long enough to look into her eyes for reassurance––but there had been no need.  
  
"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this," she murmured before leaning back into his kiss.  
  
He wrapped his arms around her and felt the smooth material of her robes slipping beneath his fingers. He inhaled her torturous scent and thought for sure he would drown in it. As they kissed under the moonlight, he felt desire swelling inside of him. A desire he had not known in many years––a desire he had not let himself know. He wanted her more than anything and it frightened him. The only other desire he'd felt this strongly was his uncontrollably draw to the moon.  
  
He was falling, fast. He had to get control of himself. He couldn't let this go any further. What was he thinking? It was too dangerous; he couldn't risk it.  
  
As if sensing the change in him, she pulled away slowly. He wasn't sure what his face looked like, but she looked quite shocked by it. She slid off him and straightened her robes.  
  
"Remus?" Her breath danced on his face. "What just happened? Everything was going wonderfully, and then, you pulled away from me. I felt it." She looked like a shy schoolgirl to him just then, looking at him nervously and biting her lower lip.  
  
He sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, willing the strong desire to abate so he could pull himself together. He couldn't look at her any longer.  
  
"Remus, I'm sorry––"  
  
"Oh, it's not you," he said, but she looked even more worried by this statement. He touched her face and felt himself slipping away, promptly pulling his hand back. "Or rather, it is you. I feel very drawn to you right now. I just feel like if we go any further..." he trailed off, not looking at her.  
  
"That you wouldn't want to stop?"  
  
He nodded, feeling a bit foolish.  
  
"And, of course, that would be just terrible, wouldn't it?" Her voice was teasing.  
  
He looked at her and frowned. He couldn't bear to see the look in her eyes when she saw him, saw his body, saw him for what he really was. He looked into her willing eyes longingly. Then, he shook his head as if to break the spell and said,  
  
"Would you like another glass of wine-Muggle, I mean, Muggle-wine?" She looked disappointed for only a moment, and then, much to his relief, took him up on his offer.  
  
"I had a wonderful time tonight, Remus. I do hope you invite me over again soon."  
  
He sat in front of the fire later that evening thinking. He had been so close to making love to her he could taste it. And he wanted that more than anything. He shook his head. Who was he kidding? What kind of life could they have together? But a small voice was whispering in the back of his mind, You of all people need to set an example so that others like you know there's hope. He chased the thoughts from his mind and headed to bed. 


	4. Chapter 4

Under The Moonlight: Chapter 4  
  
He'd gotten into a groove at Flourish and Blotts. People had heard he was working there and they sought him out for advice and support. He'd found this much more gratifying than he'd every imagined. A man in his early twenties approached him one morning.  
  
"Mr. Lupin? Can I ask you a question?" After receiving Remus's nod, the young man continued, "Have you, have you ever been married?"  
  
Remus was a bit taken aback, but recovered quickly. "Personally, no, why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, I was just wondering if it was possible, to have a wife, and children and all," the young man looked down at the floor, "I'd really like to have a family, but ..."  
  
"But you couldn't live with yourself if you ever hurt them."  
  
The young man's eyes brightened. "Exactly!"  
  
They talked for another hour, Remus reassuring him that there was no reason he couldn't have a family assuming he took reasonable precautions.  
  
The young man left, looking very relieved, just as Raiyna appeared. She was smiling. "I'm so glad you could help him. He was in quite a state when he got here this morning." She sat down beside Remus, taking his hand in hers. Her smile was infectious. "How is it going?"  
  
Remus shook his head. "I told him all the right things, but somehow, it doesn't feel like they apply to me."  
  
She looked puzzled, but before she could probe any further, she was called away. Remus ate his lunch alone that day and thought about what it was he was doing with Raiyna.  
  
Remus tossed and turned, still feeling unsettled about the conversation he'd had with the young man earlier that day. As he finally drifted off to sleep, not even his dreams would let him rest.  
  
He was back in school again. The Yule Ball was fast approaching. Unfortunately for him, it fell on a full moon.  
  
James had already asked Lily before he realized this. "I'll just cancel, she'll understand," he said as they ate their lunch.  
  
"No way, Prongs, no way. You've waited way too long for this."  
  
The others agreed.  
  
"And anyway, Padfoot and I will stay with Moony," Peter chimed in.  
  
"Come on, you guys, I've been doing this alone for years. One more night won't kill me. I'm not ruining this for you all. Go to the Ball, have a great time, pull some pranks, and tell me all about it in the morning."  
  
"Shut up, Moony, you don't have a say in this," Sirius's voice was chiding but firm.  
  
The bell had already rang and classes were in session as Remus walked to Madam Pomfrey's to pick up the potion she made for him once a month. He still couldn't believe he had friends that cared that much about him. As he walked towards the hospital wing, he saw a girl hurrying down the staircase. She was muttering to herself and her book bag was overflowing. He cringed as he saw her miss the last step. That had to hurt. He hurried over to her. She was younger than him, but quite pretty. He was surprised he hadn't noticed her before. He smiled at her as he helped her up. He couldn't help but look into her eyes, they were so welcoming, so warm. Her wrist hung at an odd angle; surely it was broken. He walked her to the hospital wing, smiling to himself. He was thinking he might like to get to know her better. Raiyna, what a beautiful name. Just then, she did something he unexpected. She asked him to the Yule Ball. It was a full moon that night, he couldn't possibly go, although he would have liked to, especially with her. He noticed too late that she had taken his hesitation the wrong way. She assumed he was going with someone else. She was getting away from him. He reached for her, and to his relief, she stopped. She stopped for him. He lifted her chin to meet his eyes––he had to see those eyes––so deep and brown and honest.  
  
After he'd left, a sudden sadness settled over him. Why hadn't he seen it before? For the same reason he couldn't go to the Yule Ball, he could never have a relationship with her. What had he been thinking? Try as he might to get those brown eyes out of his mind, he could not. He hadn't seen her again until he saw those brown eyes looking down at him in the Leaky Cauldron.  
  
Remus paced his study, waiting for Raiyna's arrival. She was bringing dinner, insisting that it was her turn. He was wearing his tattered gray robes, the ones he had worn to their first dinner at the Winging Park Inn. He wondered if she'd notice; he usually wore his nicer midnight blue robes for her. When she finally arrived, she looked strikingly beautiful. Her long hair played gently around her high cheek bones. She seemed to look more radiant to him when they were alone. He longed to sweep her up into his arms, bury his face in her hair, inhale her sweet scent. Hold her forever. But he resisted. There was no use delaying the matter any longer. He hated himself for what he was about to do.  
  
"Raiyna, I don't think this is going to work, us, I mean." She looked stunned. He looked away.  
  
"Excuse me? I thought– the other night–"  
  
"The other night was probably one of the best nights of my life," Remus said honestly. "But really, Raiyna, what kind of life can I offer you?"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "Honestly, Remus Lupin, think of who you are speaking to. I lived with my brother for fifteen years! And anyways, who are you to decide what I can and can't live with?"  
  
He was about to say something but she interrupted, throwing a string of questions at him he hadn't expected.  
  
"Do you take your Wolfsbane Potion every full moon?"  
  
"Yes.  
  
"Do you make sure you are in a safe environment before you transform?"  
  
The questions went on and on. "Yes, Yes, Yes," he answered to each one, growing more exasperated by the minute.  
  
"Well, then, I don't see what the problem is. Let's eat."  
  
He sighed as he noticed that the flushed color her anger had brought to her cheeks just made her look more beautiful. He had to get her off his mind. They ate dinner mostly in silence, punctuated by her attempts at strained conversation that led nowhere. When dinner was finished, Remus rose to escort Raiyna to the door. The sooner she was out of his house, the sooner he could try to put his life back together the way it was intended to be lived––alone.  
  
"Remus, can we talk?"  
  
"There's nothing to talk about." His voice was distant as he leaned against the door jam, waiting for her to rise from the table.  
  
"Then how about you just listen. Come sit on the couch with me." When he did not move, she continued. "Remus, please, you owe me this much."  
  
The scowl on her face told Remus she wasn't leaving until he heard her out. Grimacing in defeat, Remus reluctantly moved to the couch. He sat down, clasping his hands between his knees and staring at the floor. "What is it that you want to say?" he asked, without so much as a hint of interest in his voice.  
  
He was so tense from sitting so close to her that he flinched when she laid her hand on his shoulder. He hadn't meant to, but the way she instinctively pulled away from him, perhaps it was for the best. He watched her reflection in the window as she ran her hands nervously through her hair and took a deep breath. There were tears in her eyes. He could handle her anger, but her tears were sure to crumble his resolve. He closed his eyes then, willing himself to hold onto his control until she left.  
  
"Remus, I don't know what's going on and you won't tell me. But I can't just let you walk away from me like this, I care about you too much. I know about the wolf, I've always known. Doesn't that count for something? I'm not afraid of you Remus!"  
  
"Maybe you should be." His voice was low and dangerous.  
  
"Stop it, Remus. This isn't fair. This isn't just about you any more! I know you are hurting––how do you think I feel? You act as if I haven't got a clue as to what I'm getting myself into. I lived with my brother for fifteen years! I am as mentally in tune with the lunar cycles as you are physically. I know how to keep myself safe! I'd never let you endanger me, Remus, and I'd never let you endanger yourself. You think I don't know what you're afraid of? You think I don't know the wolf could hurt me? Of course I know! But I'd never put myself in that situation!"  
  
"You're not a monster Remus, you're a man! For one day out of the month the wolf comes out. The other twenty-nine-and-a-half days you are just like everyone else. I'm not afraid of you, Remus, and I'm not going to let you hide behind the wolf."  
  
Remus stared blankly into the fire, clenching his teeth. He wanted to shake his head and scream in frustration. How could she possible understand? It wasn't just the wolf, it was so much more than that. He'd lost everyone he'd ever loved, everyone that had ever loved him. He couldn't risk that again. He fought to keep his breathing even, but the battle that raged inside of him made it impossible. Still, he said nothing, offered no response. He couldn't let her draw him in.  
  
"Remus, don't do this to me. Don't shut me out!" Hot tears streamed down her face. "I know you're scared. But I'm scared too, I'm scared of losing you. Please..."  
  
He wanted to pull her into his arms and tell her everything would be all right. He wanted to believe that everything would be all right. And maybe it would be if he were a different man. But he was who he was, and he had no business being with someone as sweet and special as Raiyna was. He should never have let it gotten as far as it had in the first place. He sat rigid next to her, not even allowing himself to scratch the itch on his cheek for fear that if he moved even a muscle he'd lose his iron control.  
  
She shook her head and got up to leave. As she stood by the door, she looked back. "Dammit, Remus, I love you." He could hear the emotion in her voice but didn't dare look at her.  
  
When the door clicked behind her, he put his head in his hands, shaking uncontrollably. "I'm sorry Raiyna. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to let it get this far."  
  
He turned in early that night, falling asleep wishing she were in his arms, knowing that it could never be.  
  
Madam Pomfrey had healed her wrist. She sprinted to the Great Hall, but he wasn't there. She looked around on the grounds and didn't see him either. She wanted to see him again; she had to see him again. He said he couldn't go to the Yule Ball, but maybe he'd be interested in doing something else. He had been so kind to her. Maybe that's all it was. Kindness. Maybe he was that nice to everyone. She shook her head. If he was interested in her, he would come looking for her. Patience, my dear, patience; her father's words echoed in her mind.  
  
When he arrived the following week for work it was pouring rain. He joined the staff meeting that had just started and took his orders for the week: inventory, restocking, owl orders, etc. When the others had cleared out, he asked Raiyna if there was someplace they could talk. She led him to her office and offered him a cup of tea.  
  
"I'm here to tender my resignation."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Raiyna said, choking on her tea and spitting it all over her desk and robes.  
  
Remus steadied himself. "Raiyna I just can't do this anymore."  
  
"What? This job or me?" Her voice had cooled considerably, her eyes narrowed.  
  
He pondered her statement momentarily. "Well, they are related, aren't they?"  
  
"No, as far as I'm concerned they are not. People are counting on you Remus. If you don't want our relationship to continue, fine, but I will NOT accept your resignation, at least not until I find a suitable replacement." Her eyes narrowed even further. "You owe me that much, Remus."  
  
He nodded and got up to leave her office. He actually loved his job, but it was too hard to see her every day. He hesitated in the doorway, thinking maybe he should apologize for the way he'd acted. As he turned back to say something, he saw that her head rested in her hands.  
  
"Dammit," she muttered to herself. "Well, I certainly handled that well, didn't I?"  
  
He watched as she brushed the tears away and hurried out before she saw him, once again overridden with guilt.  
  
Work was considerably lonelier that week. Without Raiyna's sneak attacks to punctuate the days, they seemed to drag on forever.  
  
He was dreading that evening. Although the day of the full moon was always punctuated by loneliness without his three closest Animagi friends, this one was even more so. He'd gotten lax about taking his chocolate drops and was quickly noticing the effect on his stamina. He winded easier and his mind was not as clear on the days leading up to the transformation. He took off his clothes and waited, fighting back the feelings of loneliness and betrayal; self-betrayal. But he had no choice, he had to end it. He just couldn't risk hurting her. She meant too much to him. He shook his head with regret as the pull of the moon took over his body.  
  
When he awoke to the morning sun, he'd found he hadn't fared very well the evening before. Even though he'd taken the Wolfsbane Potion, his body was oozing with fresh blood. He knew what that was about. The pain of loss transferred to the wolf, the emotional pain turned physical in the body of the wolf. The control he kept during day was the control he lost during the full moon. The anger he felt toward himself, the anger he kept under lock and key, was released with the fury of an angry wolf, leaving the man to suffer the consequences.  
  
He forced himself to get up that morning, forced himself to eat the Morning After Stew. No one was coming over to take care of him today. He was alone again. He would be alone forever. There was, of course, no other option.  
  
When he heard the knock at the door that evening, he flew off the couch. As he threw open the door, Harry, still with a slight limp, and Hermione were standing there bearing gifts. His disappointment was tempered as Harry and Hermione exchanged hearty hugs with Remus.  
  
"You're looking well," observed Hermione.  
  
"Thanks, I've been trying some new things. They seem to be working."  
  
"That's wonderful, Remus," she said. "We brought you dinner. This is the first Harry's felt well enough to get out and we thought we'd drop by and see how you were doing."  
  
As the food was being prepared and the table set, they talked about how Harry and Hermione and were doing now that they had graduated from Hogwarts and lost many of their good friends, including Ron.  
  
"It hasn't been easy," Hermione sighed, tears swelling in her eyes, "but we're managing." She cast a glance at Harry who was looking rather downcast as well.  
  
"And what about you, Remus? What have you been up to since the Order?"  
  
"Well, I got a job at Flourish and Blotts. It's going pretty well actually." He wondered if his face contradicted the statement he'd just made.  
  
They sat down for dinner and made mostly small talk until Hermione hit a nerve. "Oh when are you going to settle down, Remus?"  
  
Remus felt a flare of anger race through him. His muscles involuntarily twitched. He gripped his mug tighter and took a swig, hoping they hadn't noticed.  
  
"What–– What did I say?" Hermione asked with concern in her voice.  
  
"Nothing." Remus stood to clear away the plates while Harry and Hermione exchanged glances.  
  
"Did you meet someone Remus?" Harry asked cautiously.  
  
"That would be wonderful!" chimed in Hermione.  
  
Remus shook his head. "No, it wouldn't, it isn't," he said through gritted teeth, still not looking at them.  
  
Hermione rose and put her hand on his tense shoulder. "Remus, why don't you sit down, I'll get you a cup of tea."  
  
Remus sat, but didn't look at either of them.  
  
Hermione sat next to him and handed him a cup of tea. "Are you afraid to tell her?" she ventured.  
  
"Tell her what?" It suddenly dawned on him what Hermione was thinking. "Oh, that, no, she already knows. She knew before–– well–– she knew the first time we met."  
  
"Where did you meet?" asked Harry in an obvious effort to keep the conversation going.  
  
"In the Leaky Cauldron, actually, of all places." A slight smile crept across his face as he remembered.  
  
"Well, then, what happened?" Hermione asked.  
  
"You two just don't understand!" he snapped, a note of exasperation in his voice as he ran his hands through his hair. "She can't have a normal life with me. What was I thinking! She deserves better. She deserves a man who she can count on––every day of the month––and not have to worry about harming her or her children!"  
  
"Ahh...." said Hermione in her all-knowing tone of voice, nodding her head and clasping her hands together in front of her on the table. "Well, Harry, you know I think he's right," she said thoughtfully.  
  
Harry was too stunned to respond.  
  
"I mean, after all, he isn't very reliable about taking his Wolfsbane Potion, is he?"  
  
Remus raised his eyebrows, highly affronted by Hermione's assumptions.  
  
"And, of course, he throws all caution to the wind when he's a wolf. It's just not safe to walk the streets during a full moon is it?"  
  
"Hermione––" Harry gasped, but she continued as if she'd never been interrupted.  
  
"And then, of course, if they ever had children, well, you just couldn't be sure whether they'd be babes or pups, now could you?" Hermione carried on dramatically, her eyes settling on Remus as a slow smile spread across his face. Harry looked horrified.  
  
"Shall I go on?" Hermione inquired.  
  
"No, I think I see your point," Remus said, feeling slightly sheepish but happier all the same.  
  
Hermione glared at Remus. "You know, I could just slap you for saying she deserves better! Remus Lupin, you are one of the nicest men I've ever met, and I dare say if I was a few years older, this woman would have a real contender on her hands!"  
  
Remus smiled genuinely for the first time in weeks.  
  
"So how bad did you mess it up?" Harry asked, having finally caught on to Hermione's antics.  
  
"Well," Remus thought, "Hmm...."  
  
"Send her an owl, tell her your sorry," Harry suggested.  
  
"Yes, you could do that. OR, depending on how badly you messed it up..." Hermione intoned.  
  
It was almost closing time when Hermione arrived at Flourish and Blotts, her face fraught with anxiety. "I need to see Ms. Blotts, immediately, it's urgent."  
  
The staff member who greeted her looked taken aback by Hermione's demeanor. "I'll, I'll see if I can find her for you."  
  
The woman returned and ushered Hermione to Raiyna's office. Raiyna's face was a bit splotchy.  
  
"I'm sorry, Miss, this really isn't a good time." Raiyna said, barely looking at Hermione as she made a show of shuffling papers around her desk.  
  
"It's Remus," Hermione stated with an urgent edge to her voice.  
  
Raiyna jumped at the sound of his name, "Is he all right?"  
  
"Well," Hermione said, "He's in a right state. I think you better go see him."  
  
Raiyna faltered. Hermione could read the indecision on her face. Hermione waited patiently, hoping her concern for Remus would win over her anger for how he had treated her.  
  
"He asked specifically for you," Hermione added, hoping to sway her. 


	5. Chapter 5

Under The Moonlight: Chapter 5  
  
When Raiyna and Hermione Apparated in the living room, Harry was sitting on the couch, ringing his hands and looking thoroughly distraught. "He's in the kitchen," Harry said without looking up.  
  
Remus was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. He knew it was her the second the door opened, her glorious scent infiltrating his senses.  
  
"What is it Remus? Has something happened?" she asked, sitting down on the chair next to him and tenderly rubbing his shoulder.  
  
"Yes," he said solemnly, his head still in his hands. "I'm a complete idiot and I'm letting the woman I love walk away."  
  
He felt her stiffen at his words. He lifted his eyes to look at her.  
  
"You– YOU–" she smacked him hard on the back with the palm of her hand. "Do you know how WORRIED I was?!?!"  
  
Remus smiled at her tentatively, a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
  
"I can't believe–– I oughta––".  
  
"Kiss me?"  
  
She looked at him as if he'd suggested she'd fly off a cliff without her broom.  
  
"Or not," he said with the most pathetic looking puppy-dog eyes he could manage.  
  
At that she burst out laughing. "Don't you ever, EVER, do something like that again!" But a smile was breaking across her face.  
  
There was a loud popping noise in the living room; Remus laughed knowing that Harry and Hermione had been listening and must have decided it was safe to Disapparate.  
  
He stroked her shiny brown hair. "I missed you."  
  
She eyed him cautiously, as if searching for the truth in his eyes.  
  
"You know, you look even sexier when you're angry," he added, and then flinched in case she was going to smack him again.  
  
She just rolled her eyes and shook her head at him before leaning in to kiss him.  
  
Later that evening, Remus made them some tea and pulled out a small, gift- wrapped box. "I have something for you."  
  
At the look of bewilderment on her face, he added. "It's not much. Go ahead, open it."  
  
She unwrapped it carefully, stealing glances from time to time at Remus. Inside was a figure of a boy sitting cross-legged and waving at her. She noticed that he had a little bit of fur sticking out of his human ears. She looked questioningly at Remus.  
  
"A friend of mine gave it to me as a joke when we were still in school, but I think it's rather useful. During a new moon, he will jump up and down looking very happy and energetic. But as the moon wanes, he will get nervous, edgy, anxious. He will pace around in a small circle. When the full moon comes nearer, he will sprout fur, his eyes will turn golden, his nose will elongate. As darkness falls, his transformation will be complete. He will become a wolf, he will prowl, and howl. As the sun rises, he will turn back into a boy. He will be very tired, choosing to lay most of the time, and then sitting, and finally standing again as the moon waxes."  
  
"At any rate, you can always look at this wolf–boy to see what state I'm in. And you'll know when it's safe to be near me again, when the boy is no longer a wolf."  
  
The boy was still looking up at her, waving as if she hadn't noticed.  
  
"Thank you." Her genuine smiled warmed Remus's heart.  
  
She paused for a moment, seeming to consider something. "You know, I think these are great. We should get some for the store. Do you know where to find them?"  
  
Much to Remus's relief, Raiyna had long since forgiven him and was leaning with her back against his chest in the firelight. He was content to stroke her hair while she rested her head against his shoulder. He was calmer and happier than he could remember in a long time, and it seemed to him, she was too.  
  
"Raiyna," he said softly, "I hate to do this to you, but I need to rest."  
  
She sat up quickly and looked into his eyes. "Remus! Why didn't you tell me sooner! You know I'm not strong enough to carry you up the stairs!"  
  
He was amused by the way she shook her head in frustration at him.  
  
"Come on," she commanded, standing before him to help him to his feet.  
  
He leaned heavily on her as they climbed the stairs, each step seeming like more effort than the one before. When they reached his bed, he collapsed, not even bothering to take off his robes. She looked quizzically at him, but he raised his hand to wave away her worry. He didn't have the strength to do anything more than curl up into a ball on his bed. He closed his eyes as she pulled the covers over him. He smiled as she ran her fingers through his hair, speaking softly to him. He couldn't decipher what she was saying, but it didn't matter; a feeling of serenity had washed over him, sleep wasn't far behind it.  
  
To his pleasant surprise, he awoke the next morning to find her body curled around his, her scent filtering through his consciousness. He rolled over slowly, careful not to wake her. The morning sun shone through the window and reflected off of her perfectly sculpted face as she slept. He realized that she wasn't wearing her robes anymore, but a pair of his pajamas. That warm, tingling sensation invaded his body again as a smile slipped across his face. "I love you too, Raiyna," he whispered, brushing the soft curls from her face. "You are the most incredible woman I've ever met."  
  
Work had gone tremendously better now that they were on speaking terms again. Whenever she snuck into The Library to steal a kiss, his heart soared. This summer was indeed turning out to be one of the better ones, all things considered.  
  
They had just finished another superb dinner out in his garden. As they lay side-by-side under the stars, she turned to look at him. "You know, I've had a crush on you since I was thirteen."  
  
"Really?" Remus asked.  
  
"Really. I was late for class one day and as I ran down the stairs, I tripped on the last stair. I fell and broke my wrist. I was so glad that no one was there to see me, but then there you were. I was so embarrassed. But you just picked up my books for me and took me to the hospital wing. I thought that was the nicest thing anyone ever did for me."  
  
Remus laughed, comprehension suddenly dawning on him. "You were the one who asked me to the Yule Ball."  
  
"Yes," she laughed, "I was a bit forward then, wasn't I? Unlike now," she added, grinning. "But as I recall, you said you couldn't go."  
  
"It was a full moon that night," Remus said quietly.  
  
She looked momentarily surprised. "Oh. Of course. Good thing there isn't a full moon tonight," she said, offering him a seductive smile before leaning in to kiss him.  
  
He relaxed as he felt her lips touch his. This was how it was supposed to be. Her hand smoothed his robes over his shoulder, gliding gently down his arm. He felt her fingers come to rest on the back of his hand, tracing the scars there. Instinctively, he grabbed her wrist––too fast and too hard. The shocked look in her eyes and the way she pulled away from him made him feel like a murderous beast. He let go immediately and looked away, swearing to himself.  
  
"What happened, Remus?" Her voice carried not her usual easy tone, but a cautious, more guarded one.  
  
He shook his head in self-disgust. "My whole body is covered with scars, Raiyna. You have no idea what I do–– what the wolf does––" his voice trailed off. He realized by the confused look on her face that to her, this had come out of nowhere; she had no idea that she had been stroking one of his scars a minute ago.  
  
Suddenly she sat up. "Show me." The expression on her face was odd; defiant almost.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Well, show me!" she demanded.  
  
He felt suddenly uncomfortable.  
  
"Come on, I'm waiting."  
  
Her hands were on her hips and the tone of her voice told him she was not going to take no for an answer. He felt like he was back at school being disciplined by a teacher. He sat up slowly and unzipped his midnight blue robes. His hands were shaking as he eased the material back, exposing just a few of the many scars that ran across his chest. He looked down momentarily to see the moon shining off his scars, gouges, and gashes, raised like mountain ridges against his pale skin. A swell of terror rose up in his throat. He held his breath. Would she be able to accept him, would she be able to see past the torturous scars? Or would she just see the beast? He looked away, not wanting to see what he saw every morning in the mirror, not wanting to see what she saw, not wanting to see the fear or pity or disgust in her eyes.  
  
"Hmm...." she said, nodding as if examining the cover of a new book.  
  
She very gently traced a particularly nasty gouge on his chest with her index finger. Then, she leaned forward and kissed the length of it. As her warm, wet lips caressed his chest, he felt his body temperature rise. She continued, following the multiple scars across his body with her lips, leaving no bit of skin untouched, uttering things like, "perfect," "lovely," "delicious," "wonderful." The comfort and acceptance her warm kisses conveyed were more than any words she could have spoken. As she slid his robes off his arms he cringed. But she did not stop kissing him. He sighed as her lips caressed him, coaxing him into letting go.  
  
"Trust me," she whispered as she followed a scar up his neck and lowered him softly onto the yielding grass. She continuing to kiss the newly exposed flesh that glistened in the moonlight, loving every part of him––the scarred parts, the exposed parts, the ugly parts. Her touch was so simple, so gentle, so warm. He was trying hard not to think, not to worry. He was trying just to be. But how could she not be as repulsed by the beast as he was?  
  
"Oooh..." she said, studying the long, red, jagged mark that stretched beyond where she could see, slinking underneath the band of his boxer shorts. "I think I like this one most of all," she said, her voice breathy.  
  
She had found the scar he feared most of all. The longest scar; a deep, torturous one that ran all the way from his shoulder to well below his bellybutton. It was still fresh, too fresh. It was the one he'd given himself the night of the full moon when he'd thought he'd lost her forever. The loss had been too great. First his friends, and then her. The wolf had been furious, the wolf had lashed out in pain. That scar was still red, still painful. His hands had instinctively coiled around her, his fists clenching the back of her robes. "Not that one," he whispered in agony, "Please, not that one." He held his breath, his heart beating rapidly, his body trembling.  
  
She put a finger to his lips as she very slowly and very gently kissed it, starting at the edge of the cut on his shoulder. The wetness of her lips curled around its edges. She followed the scar down his chest. Gradually, his shoulders relaxed and his grip on her robes loosened. As her lips reached his stomach, his muscles quivered. She kept kissing him, following the scar as it went lower and lower. He held on to her robes, he had to hold on to something. He was falling fast. She was going someplace no one had been in a very long time. It was both exhilarating and terrifying. But the warmth that spread through his body was intoxicating and he couldn't remember ever wanting anything so badly in his life.  
  
Her fingers edged effortless under the waistband of his shorts and her lips followed in their wake. His breathing quickened. He couldn't think straight anymore. His heart was racing. He body was burning with desire. Instinctively, he arched his back to meet her, his fingers tangled in her hair. And then––warmth; wet, delicious, deep warmth like he'd never known before. A low, glorious moan escaped him as all of the nerves in his body screamed with delight.  
  
When he was sure he could hold out no longer, she retreated, turning her attention to the rest of him. Slowly, she kissed her way back up his stomach, his chest, his neck. He reached for her then, looking deeply into her eyes before kissing her more passionately and intensely than he ever had allowed himself before. His hands slipped easily inside of her robes, finding the soft fleshy places he so often dreamed about. Her whole body quivered as he his hands glided effortlessly over her. He felt her chest rise and fall with anticipation, her breathing quicken. He inhaled her sweet, feminine scent; his body ached with longing.  
  
"Remus," she whispered breathlessly into his ear, "Please, make love to me."  
  
In an instant, he was inside of her, wrapped in her exquisite warmth. His eyes fell upon her moonlit body in awe as she pulled him in even deeper. He savored the delicious moment for as long as he possibly could, feeling her rhythmic movements as she gave in to her instincts. Feeling his own body called to hers. He rocked hard against her, falling into a rhythm as old as time, barely aware of the world around them. She was holding on to him as if her life depended on it. He was letting go as he had never done before. He was engulfed by her, lost in her, and for the first time in his life, he wasn't trying to fight it. Instead of feeling confined and threatened, he felt freed. She moaned in delight, pacing him, caressing him, kissing him. She was breathing as heavily as he was. Their bodies connected in ways their minds never dreamed. Under the moonlight they came together––in more ways than one. 


End file.
